Well I don’t really know where to start this or what to say. I haven’t written on here in a while but it’s hard for me to sometimes find the right words. Coming into World Race and this 11 month missions trip I was expecting to spend 11 months in bad sleeping arrangements, doing hard manual labor, sweating profusely, and telling people about Jesus which I thought would be hard but I can do that. When I did arrive to Gainesville Georgia for training camp I found out pretty quickly that wasn’t the case, it was definitely more focused on you as an individual and helping you heal from things and strengthening your relationship with God or starting a relationship with him for the first time. I remember overhearing a part of the call that the leaders were having with the parents leading up to this trip and they said our goal is to “break your children and then build them back up”. I really didn’t think too much of that but wow was it so true. I was personally done and wanted to go home before 24 hrs of being there was up. The crazy thing is that I have only been gone about 5 weeks of the 45 weeks I will be gone and already so much has happened. I think the biggest thing I have learned is that no matter how much I believed I had my life together I was sorely mistaken. I really wish I hadn’t spent so much of my life pushing down feelings and putting on a smile for everyone saying it’s all ok. You may be able to do that to friends or even family but when you’re stuck with people 24 / 7 and do everything together (work, eat, play, etc) it becomes very hard to pretend to have it all together. I lost it about 2 weeks ago and am now trying to work through years of pain and hurt which is not very fun at all but I do have some incredible people that are walking me through stuff which has been very painful but very encouraging as well. I wish I would have done this sooner and I encourage you if you haven’t already done so to find people you trust and open up about the hard things you have gone through. You don’t have to have everything together it is very lonely and isolating living that life and you may be able to get away with living like that for awhile but it will eventually catch up to you and it is much more painful to deal with things after holding them in for years and years then to be more open with who you are and asking for help. Anyway that’s what I have been learning the past 5 weeks which has been fun (sarcasm intended). I hope you’re encouraged that it’s ok to be open and vulnerable and it is not a sign of weakness but of bravery and strength to share your struggles with people and ask for help.
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